Sometimes I get this overwhelming feeling of panic; thoughts go through my mind that I can’t seem to control. I think about my daughter battling her illness, dealing with one struggle after the other, and I’m overwhelmed with worry, fear, anger, and sadness.
Luckily, this doesn’t happen too often. However, last night as I got ready for bed, the anxiety hit me. As I laid in bed, my chest started pounding and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I took some deep breathes and started practicing gratitude. I started thinking about things that happened that day that I was grateful for.
- Although we spent another Sunday in the ER, Kayla didn’t get admitted and we were able to go home and enjoy the beautiful fall-like weather.
- I’m grateful for the ER nurse who brought me a warm blanket when he brought Kayla hers. He said I was probably cold, too.
- I’m grateful for the friends who love and support Kayla. She had a friend come visit her yesterday and watching them embrace warmed my heart.
- I’m grateful for being able to sit and have dinner with my family, including Kayla’s boyfriend. We enjoyed good food and good conversation, and it was one of those rare moments when things felt “normal”.
Once I started thinking about these things, I calmed down and then I fell asleep.
Cancer sucks. The fact that my little girl has cancer sucks. But things could be so much worse. She is fighting. So many of us are fighting with her. Cancer will not win. The thoughts of worry, fear, anger, and sadness that invade my head will not win. I have so much to be grateful for.
Courage for Kayla.