I have a birthday coming up soon and it seems as though I get a bit more philosophical around my birthdays, especially the older I get. After all, the older I get, the more my mortality becomes more inevitable. I don’t want to get all morbid and tell you that I think about my pending death a lot because I don’t. However, I spend a lot of time looking at my life and what it means and what I’m doing and what my purpose is. It can get really deep and complicated and my brain starts to hurt and so I just spend most days trying to eat healthy and stay fit and active because I want to increase my odds of living a long life.
Or I drink wine.
I find myself feeling torn quite often. The world we are living in can often be a dark, insane place and how often do you look around and say to yourself, “What the fuck is happening right now?” For me, it’s a lot. And it’s a constant debate with myself about how I should spend the rest of my days. The conversation in my head goes a bit like this:
Me: “I really want a glass of wine right now. But I’ve been doing well and the deal was that I would only have a couple of drinks on the weekends. Today is Tuesday.”
Me: “Fuck it. The apocalypse is coming. Do you want your last thought to be, ‘Damn, I should have had that glass of wine!’?”
Me: “Oh geez, chances are, we’ll run out of wine during the apocalypse. I’d better drink it now while I can.”
Me: “I should work out today. I’ve been following this program really well and am feeling really fit. I’m going to be so ready when the apocalypse comes!”
Me: “Um, do I really want to survive an apocalypse? The world will suck. Most likely there will be no wine. No coffee. No hot showers. No Netflix.”
Me: “Oh God. You’re right. (As I pour a glass of wine and cue up my latest Netflix obsession.)
The struggle is real. Torn between just wanting to live a fun, carefree life because my days are numbered, or treating my body as a sacred temple because I could possibly live to be 100 and wouldn’t it be great if I could live to be a 100 and still be healthy, fit and active?
Although I’m being a bit tongue-in-cheek with this post, I do sometimes look around and wonder how the human race has survived all of the greed, violence, and stupidity it has created. It’s a wonder that the apocalypse hasn’t already happened by now. It can be downright depressing and it can be hard to fight the desire to just drink myself into a stupor while eating all of the food I can get my hands on. You know, to just party like it’s 1999 because like the song says, “Everybody’s got a bomb, we could all die any day.”
Then I look around at my family, my dogs, my friends, and some other pretty awesome, epic people and I think that life has a lot of wonderful moments and I enjoy living and so YES I will continue to work out and YES I’ll continue to nourish my body with healthy, plant-based foods. I’ll enjoy some wine, too.
Until the apocalypse. And then I’ll drink all of the wine and eat all of the food because chances are:
How about you? Do you have these same struggles? Do you battle yourself inside your head? Are you prepared to survive or are you resigned to be a zombie?